Holidays stress

How to make the most of your holidays by avoiding the stress.

I’m not sure how it is for you, but for me, when it turns autumn, as the leaves start to change colors, and the days start to get short, I start worrying about the holidays.

I didn’t grew up in this country, and so the winter holidays were a new novelty to observe and absorb.

I came to the United States as a young adult, and as I became a ‘grownup’, and had my own family, I looked around at what the holidays traditions looked like.

I always adored the fall colors, admired the stores with all the decorations, and the twinkling lights, was fascinated by the lore of Santa and his elfs.. but mostly, I loved how families and friends, got together and celebrated their holidays traditions.

I then started creating my own family holidays traditions, and with the growing lists of  guests, presents, meals and foods to prepare, with the sweet myths, memories, and shared experiences, also came the un-invited guest… S T R E S S!!!

Every year, at this time of year, I write my annual ‘holiday stress’ blog. And no matter how good I can write about it, research it, help my own  therapy clients to not stress, when it comes to the holidays, I stress..

I am sure that for those of you, who are as myself, also somewhat neurotic, controlling and perfectionists, it is all too familiar …

Watch the Women’s Show with Susan Schreiber on KVMR . A talk about the topic of  stress during the holiday and how to avoid it.  

From my blog titled What Not To Do This Holiday,  and how to avoid unnecessary stress in the holidays, I wrote:

‘We feel that we need to get things done, presents lists checked off, chores completed. We are invited to many Holidays get- together, office parties, family events, friends celebrations, and though it is delight-full to enjoy all these events, it is often mixed with stress of time, financial strains, or even loneliness.’

‘For many of us, holidays are a time of painful memories, ‘first holiday with out mom’, first Xmas tree decorated alone, first holiday with only one parent…  At times we can be lonely even when we are not alone, feeling that all around us are cheerful and content, ‘Why can’t I feel joy’?‘

‘Holidays celebrations bring people together; families, tribes, communities and friends. We travel long distances to connect with loved ones during the Holidays. We naturally turn to each other, to our people, to get comfort, joy, and connection, because we know that being in touch with those we love is reassuring and joyful.’

‘Families can be a source of strength, connection, love, and caring. It can also be a reminder of violence, neglect, abuse, and disconnection. Around the Holidays, many people experience some kind of P.T.S.D (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), with reminders and flash backs, of times in their past where the Holidays were a time of dread, addictions, and dysfunctions.’

Holidays can bring and create financial stress on many families. In the effort to celebrate, with the spirit of giving, with wishing to put presents under the trees, and the joy of abundance, we may tend to spend more then is fiscally comfortable. In an article in Sacwellness, Financial Stress and the Holidays: Mindful spending strategie,  Mariah Hudler, LCSW writes, “Holidays are meant to create and share joy but can also be a source of financial stress… take a moment to reflect on past years and how you felt after the holiday season. Were you happy you underspent? Were you satisfied with your spending or did you feel remorse for overspending?”.

‘Here are some tips to watch for, prevent, and cope with, holiday stress:

1. Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be PERFECT or ‘just like last year’.. Allow for change and flexibility. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well.

2. Stick to a BUDGET. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Often we feel the need to spend money to show our love. But many times presence comes before presents. And baking cookies or fudge can be economical yummy and fun!!

3. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus, make your shopping list, know how much time it takes to accomplish what you hope for, and take into account that everything takes longer during the holidays, including traffic!

4. Acknowledge your feelings. If you or someone you close to, has recently experienced a loss, or can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. Be honest. Express your needs. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship.

5. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. So often we overextend ourselves only to feel spent exhausted and depleted. Set clear boundaries even with family and friends.

6. Make sure to take some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Don’t neglect your daily practice of exercising, yoga, or meditation.

7. Take time to do NOTHING AT ALL!!!

In a great article 25 Ways to Fight Holiday Stress, author Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen, writes:  “The shopping and crowds. The back-to-back diet-busting parties. The interminable chats with the in-laws. We understand how easy it is to feel not so wonderful at this most wonderful time of the year.

That’s why we’ve rounded up these 25 expert-endorsed ways to help you dodge the seasonal blues and stay happy, healthy, and energized.

From quick stress-survival strategies to mood-brightening foods, here’s your cheat sheet to holiday cheer.”

With all the holiday stress, and chores, and time focusing on the extended family, many couples feel the impact on their relationship. It is important and imperative to maintain and nurture your romantic relationship, and give time to each other, while focusing outward on the holiday.