Sex, Spring, and Taking the Risk to Open..

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~ Anaïs Nin

Nature has no ‘option’, as spring arrives, it burst out in renewing energy through buds, flowers, vines and brunches, birds and bees. It ALL comes alive. It is with amazement that I watch spring burst into action with it’s mighty green and all other colors. Nature has no hesitation, even where fires have destroyed the land, spring is showing up to cover the blackened earth, to seal the wounds, and to repair with hope.

We had an intense winter in California this year, more snow and rain then we had for many years. Some of it was welcomed, some causing havoc and more disaster with mud slides and floods, where the land has been ravaged with fires. From KQED Science:  ‘California’s Monster Snow Year … ‘It’s Been a Wild Ride’.

But for so many of us, ‘the risk it takes to open’, can bring hesitation and fear.

Trust and recovery after trauma can be incredible difficult and the risk to open and trust again, challenging and painful. We need to take our time to process and heal from traumatic events, and not try to rush and ‘get over it’.  As we learn to move through a therapeutic process, and to allow ourselves to embrace life again, we are realizing that at times: ‘the risk to remain tight in a bud, is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom’.

In her article in Psychology Today Ellen McGrath writes:

“Not everyone who endures a traumatic experience is scarred by it; the human psyche has a tremendous capacity for recovery and even growth. Recovering from a traumatic experience requires that the painful emotions be thoroughly processed. Trauma feelings can not be repressed or forgotten. If they are not dealt with directly, the distressing feelings and troubling events replay over and over in the course of a lifetime, creating a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder.”

There is a lot we learn from the natural world around us about healing and taking the risk to regenerate  and recover. In so many ways, mother earth does not keep a ‘memory’, it allows for recovery and repair as seasons change. The most pronounce of it is Spring and the buzzing sensual and sexual energy it shows up with.

This is from my ‘spring and sex’ blog of 2017, titles: It is Spring Time… and Sex is in the air:

Spring and Sex“Yes. Spring is here, no question.. the flowers are bursting with colors, the poppies are flaming the hillside, the bees and hummingbirds and all kind of bugs, are humming in frenzy, the sacred Yuba River is flowing with thunder of abundance with all that water. Nature is alive. And so are we.  As we awake from our long winter dormancy, we humans, also start buzzing with that powerful force of nature’s sexual energy.

We humans respond to our DNA’s ancient call to find a mate, copulate, have sex, and reproduce; we uniquely also answer to our special human form of the call of ‘spring’; to partner, to pair-bond, to fall in love, to make love.

It’s the power of sex, love and connection. It is the origin of us. It is the force of nature working through our bodies, calling us to listen and to dial into its omnipotent potential. When we are connected to our partner in sex, we are open, naked, vulnerable, we let someone in, we allow the other to touch us, caress our naked body, penetrate us, become one with us.  It is ultimately, a heightened, highly aware sense of pleasures. Many who talk about different forms of spiritual ecstasy, use similar language to our erotic sexual experiences.”

As a couple therapist I see it every day in my office, how taking a risk with our partner, to open, share, ask, and be vulnerable, can be super scary. Though we are wired to connect, and to bond, and to have a sexual relationship with our partner, past hurts and traumas, in this current relationship, in past relationships, or in childhood, can hold us back from opening and letting a partner in.  It takes courage, and willingness, from both partners, to open wounds and trust in the healing process.

As Sue Johnson explains in Hold Me Tight, ‘it is the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the one person who can send us crashing back to the earth. All it takes is a certain look or a careless remark. There is no closeness without this sensitivity. If our connection with our mate is safe and strong, we can deal with these moment of sensitivity. Actually, we can use them to bring our partners even closer. But when we don’t feel safe and connected, these moments are like a spark in a tinder forest. They set fire to the whole relationship’.

And for those of you who spring brings the wish for a renewal of your relationship, and wanting to take ‘the risk to open and blossom’, we are offering our next Hold Me Tight workshop, Saturday and Sunday, June 8-9, 2019, in Nevada City CA. 

Though I lead this workshop regularly, it’s always a renewed, compelling experience for me to facilitate, witness, and hold space for the vulnerable reaching that occurs between partners during the workshop. At our Hold Me Tight couples workshop, in a safe, intimate, private setting, we hold space for couples to become vulnerable and open to explore, experience, touch and talk through issues that have been untouched. It is time set aside to have these conversations that have been waiting for a long time to happen.

At our Hold Me Tight relationship enhancement Workshop you will learn and experience how to:

• affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding
• address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them
• learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other
• enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and INTIMACY
Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me in the workshop. Owen brings with him decades of experience leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country helping men access their masculine vulnerability.  Owen’s presence and his work with couples and men will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight workshop by offering his depth, support and perspective to the couples in our workshop.

Owen has been intensely involved in his new company, Evryman,  reaching men all over the world, helping them to access and connect with their tribe and brotherhood.

Owen’s TEDX talk: What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost | Owen Marcus | TEDxSpokane

Hold Me Tight workshop for couples-Jun 2019

At our Hold Me Tight relationship enhancement Workshop , you will learn and experience how to:
• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding, communication, and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual closeness, and INTIMACY.

Here is a link to my blog about the workshop.

Here are some of the TESTIMONIALS for our workshop:

Heather, a therapist, and her husband who took our workshop wrote to us: “My husband & I just returned from the HMT workshop. Dalia & Owen definitely have the incredible (secret) gift in strengthening relationships from all ages & stages. My husband & I grew more this weekend than we have in 20 years of marriage. It’s like couples therapy on steroids. My husband was able learn about & experience the life changing benefits of being vulnerable. We discovered what negative pattern(s) we get into that keep us disconnected & trigger our “issues” rather than help move us towards growth, healing & connection. They make it easy to find & understand our “raw spots” without shame or judgement. Thank you Dalia & Owen for your labor of love & dedication to this important life changing work!”

“I wanted to send you a heartfelt thank you for leading such a powerful workshop and for being so generous and attentive with your time and expertise. We both left the weekend with powerful tools and lessons that we hope to apply to our lives and to help heal our injuries and save our marriage. It truly was a one of a kind experience that I will not forget. Thank you both so much!!❤️”

Here is a link to my blog with testimonials and reviews of past participants:

We keep the groups small and intimate, sign up ASAP, all of our previous workshops have been Sold-Out!

Click here to register.

Please FORWARD the information to anyone you think will benefit from this work, and please call or email me with any questions or for more information.

Happy Spring full with renewal and hope to all of you

In Gratitude,

and in Love,




Note: Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson.