We know hindsight is 2020, but can Foresight be as well?
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it”. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
How to commit to clarity in our vision, as we go into the New Year and new decade.
When I work with my clients in therapy, we often talk about ‘if I knew then what I know now’… wishing we could have understood, or known what was the best path to take.
But unfortunately hindsight is 2020, while foresight is not..
I play an exercise with my clients, (and with my self).. ‘lets take a time travel into 2025.. and meet here in my office’.. I then say, lets have a look and a conversation, and think about what would I have wished I looked at, known, decided, committed to, changed… five years ago, in 2020.. you get the idea…
So as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe reminds us: ‘Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it”.
Please, Do not wait till it is too late, or till hindsight shows up, start now, be bold, do not let fear hold you back, take risk to change, ask your self ‘what is there to lose?’…
Couples tell me that all the time, if only we went to therapy back then, and not waited, if only we committed to working on, and investing in, our relationship… we would have possibly saved this marriage, and not been in the mess we are in…
Today is the winter solstice, Winter Solstice occurs on either December 20, 21, 22, or 23 in the Northern Hemisphere, where it is the shortest day of the year. People all over the world participate with festivals and celebrations. Long ago, people celebrated by lighting bonfires and candles to coax back the sun. At times of darkness and cold weather, we try to bring in lights and warmth.
Few months present the multicultural celebrations that December does! Whether you celebrate Christmas, St Nicholas Day, Kwanzaa, Yule, Hanukkah, Solstice, Diwali, St. Lucia, Eid al-Fitr, Boxing Day, Saturnalia, Three Kings Day… or any other holiday this month, chances are that it is celebrated with LIGHTS, music, food and family.
Winter holidays traditions and rituals, include sitting around the fire, singing hymns and carols, decorating homes and tress with light and candles, sharing music, special foods and feasts, and much more. Here in the US, our celebrations include giving gifts, parties, and family get-togethers.
Holidays celebrations bring people together; families, tribes, communities and friends. Some go on long journeys to connect with loved ones during the Holidays. We naturally turn to each other, to our people, to get comfort and connection especially during this dark time of the year. We often turn to those close to us for comfort and reassurance during hard or dark times.
Families can be a source of strength, connection, love, and caring. It can also be a reminder of violence, neglect, pain, and disconnection. Around the Holidays, many people experience some kind of P.T.S.D., (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), with reminders and flashbacks, of times in their past where the Holidays were a time of dread, addictions, and dysfunctions.
It is important to help those in need around the holidays. Most of your local charities organizations and groceries store offer gift and food donation places. Though hunger and poverty are not reserved for the holidays, it is a time of giving and sharing, so please stop and remember those who are more misfortune than us.
Many couples find it stressful to connect during the holidays. Attending to family needs; kids, parents, in-laws, friends and community needs, as well as having a good time and partying, take precedents, and unless we are staying attuned and connected, intimacy can fall way to the bottom of the list.
Couples ask each other ARE you there for me? They want to feel the reassurance that they matter, even in stressful times, that they can turn to each other and hear a resonating YES. You can read more about that in my blog: A.R.E. you there for me? (Accessible Responsive Engaged).
In our work with couples, we try to help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, take the risk and reach towards each other, become vulnerable, and be Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged.. in a more loving and positive ways.
Dr. Sue Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight program based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and her bestselling book, Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
The focus of EFT is to help partners to understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy.
The wish and desire to cultivate a deep, significant, meaningful, erotic, fulfilling, romantic… relationship, is part of us being alive.
Whether you are hoping to attract new LOVE, or repair and enhance the one you have, my New Year wish for you, is to not give up, and to stay vulnerable on your journey. It is not easy to continue to be honest, authentic, transparent, and open to the wishes we have in our lives.
And yes, as hindsight is 2020, we can see our relationship better looking backward, but, we can also take the challenge, and at time the risk, and use the same 2020 clarity to look forward.
For those of you who have made a New Year resolution for a better relationship, we are offering our next, Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop on Saturday and Sunday, January 11-12, 2020, in Nevada City CA. SPACE IS LIMITED. SO SIGN UP ASAP.
(Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson).
At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, you and your partner will learn and experience how to:
• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and SEXUAL closeness and INTIMACY.
I am excited to announce that Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of Evryman, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me leading the workshop. Owen’s TEDX talk: What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost | Owen Marcus | TEDxSpokane
Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop. Owen has been intensely involved in his new company, Evryman, reaching men all over the world, helping them to access and connect with their deep emotions and vulnerability.
We keep the groups small and intimate, sign up ASAP, all of our previous workshops have been Sold-Out!
Please FORWARD the information to anyone you think will benefit from this work, and please call or email me with any questions or for more information,
Holidays blessings of all cultures, traditions, and rituals, to you and your loved ones